I don't want to go to church

We have all been there. If you haven’t it’s a matter of time before you feel like “taking a break” from church life. It can be overwhelming at times, seems like you don’t have the time, you have been hurt by it or maybe are just burnt out. I have been in this place many times in my Christian walk. I grew up in a Pastors home and church life was normal life. Up early on Sunday morning and got home late. When I was finally “free” and away at college I vowed I would take a break from church and certainly not get involved but just be a spectator. I went to the biggest church I could find (over 3,000) and sat in the balcony for weeks being a spectator, getting “fed”. Well that lasted only a month before I found myself volunteering for the nursery! I guess it was just in my blood to be a part of something, sitting and watching was not enough for me.

Through my church years I have been burnt out and over worked, unsatisfied with leadership and even abused by those in power. And many times I have said that famous line, “I don’t want to go to church”. I understand the need for people to take a step back at times to get refreshed or renewed for a season but to walk away from a community of people should never be an option. Isolation kills. When we step away from the church community we are stepping into a slippery slope that sets in motion a pattern that is not healthy.

When you find yourself wanting to take a step away ask yourself a few questions:

Is this an unhealthy environment? If you find that the preacher is speaking heresy or hate, leadership is living in deliberate sin or maybe the church is going in a direction that does not line up with the Bible then maybe its time to pray about a move. However if you just don’t like the worship style or your not getting “inspired” by the preaching well I would take a moment to examine your own heart.

Have I taken offense? More times than not when someone leaves a church its not because they have been called on by God but that they have been offended in some way and their heart became so hard that moving on was the only option in their mind. Do you find yourself taking offense to the sermon? Do you walk away from service with a bad attitude and critical spirit? Is there a certain person at church who you avoid? Maybe you were not chosen to be on the worship or leadership team and instead of submitting under the authority you let that hurt fester and grow and now can’t stand to be at church.

Here is my 80, 20 rule. 80% of church life could be so great- the children’s program is awesome, sense of community is meeting needs and caring for the poor is a high priority. However 20% of the church is lacking. The administration is unseen or the pastor never calls you back. But who cares cause its only 20%! But when we take offense of say, the pastor not calling us back, that 20% grows so big in our eyes that it becomes the 80% in our eyes. People leave churches over 20%, people leave marriages over 20%... If you have taken offense- deal with it NOW- don’t let your hurt turn into bitterness, which will inevitably cause you to walk away from a great 80%.

Am I burnt out? Burn out can easily happen in the church. Most of the time church life looks like a football game- there are a few key players out on the field playing the whole game while everyone else is sitting in the stands watching. You are burnt out when what once gave you joy and energy is now a burden or drag to do. Have you been on the nursery schedule more times this year than have actually been in church? You may be burnt out. Boundaries are the key! It’s okay to say, “No”. Honestly look at your work, family and life schedule and just be honest with how much you can commit. Also, if you are constantly putting yourself into a position you could be robbing another person of stepping in.

Do I have unreal expectations? Are you wanting the church to be more involved with Urban Ministries or have a senior citizen outreach and they just cant seem to get that together? Well maybe your expectations of what this church will look like does not match the mandate the church has. Talk to leadership about what your expectations are. Do you want a pastor to call you weekly and meet with you on a regular basis? When you communicate what your expectations are the leadership can tell you if or how they can or cannot meet those needs. Maybe once you know where the church is at you won’t continually be disappointed.

Am I part of the problem or solution? If you walk into church and notice that no one has greeted you or that the bulletins are ugly or perhaps notice the singers are all off key- instead of sitting and being critical you most likely have the gifts to be part of the solution! By you just sitting back and not doing anything, you are part of the problem. Nothing is going to change if you are supposed to bring that change!

What is God saying? No matter how you “feel” you must get the word of the Lord. What is God saying to you? Get alone with Him and let Him speak to you- then run it by a mentor or someone you trust and see what the Lord tells them. But don’t you dare move until you hear from Him (And not hearing anything is not necessarily an answer).

This is a question I have been wrestling with over the years and these are the questions God has brought to my mind. There are definite times were God might be calling you on to another body but not at the sake of you being isolated or leaving bitter. We need to be real honest with where we are at and allow His voice to guide us when we simply don’t feel like going to church.