memories

Memories I hope to never forget:

1. my wedding day

2. driving home from high school my senior year through the fallen leaves of fall.

3. running on the beach, seeing dolphins with Matt when we first moved to California.

4. horse back riding with my dad before I went away to college

5. shopping with my mom the day after Thanksgiving.

6. my Grandma Baker teaching me how to color.

7. Matt proposing to me under that gazebo 

8. Christmas mornings with my family eating blueberry pancakes 

9. every kid I have baptized

10. watching all my friends have babies and being amazing moms

11. singing to empty seats at church

12. practicing our wedding kiss with Matt

13. pick me ups with my mom

14. getting my barbie house my dad built

15. Sunday walks at the beach with Matt and Daisy

16. Feeling Gods loving arms around me at a funeral

17. Boston in the Fall

18. Me and Jesus at college

19. Watching Chanelle become who she is

20. Hiding in Dan Green's attic while the police were looking for us

21. Singing 'friends are friends forever' with Jolene in 5th grade

22. Church Camp

23. Summer's with Sherri

24. Meeting Dorn and Tiffany

25. Being rescued by The Woolners and The Rock

26. Playing with my barbies and dolls with Darbie

27. Snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef with Matt

28. Bridget's big crocodile tears as she left my house for the last time

29. Building our dream house in Massachusetts 

30. Family road trips across country

31. Writing a song in Ireland

32. Zima's and talks with Rachel

33. Plymouth State for my 18th birthday with Bridget

34. Instigating my brothers to fight

35. Narissa's life and death

36. Catching my mom and dad kissing in the pool

37. Crying on the floor with Katie

38. Peeing my pants many times in college

39. Wearing my hoop dress for Easter

40. Giving my testimony for the first time 

41. Learning to smoke with Amy in my back yard

42. My first very gross and sloppy kiss in 8th grade

43. Cheering for football games

44. Running through Paris in the rain with Matt

45. Hearing my dad say he loved me and he was sorry for the first time

46. Church every Sunday morning and then naps on the couch with football playing

47. Hearing my mom speak at her moms funeral

48. Watching people experience God for the first time

49. Matt's voice

50. Getting my first car! A red Saab with one hubcap 

New View

Sometimes we need a new perspective. 

A few days ago I came home to a dead mouse in my kitchen! I HATE rodents with a passion. My husband was out and couldn't come home even when I begged from the other line. I had to take care of the poor little guy. It took me about 20 minutes to just make sure he was dead. I scooped him up in the dust pan and threw him in the trash. If that wasn't terrifying enough now every time I hear the slightest noise I think a million mice will run out of my kitchen! Did I mention I hate rodents? So you can see why I was so freaked out again this morning when I woke up to another dead mouse in my kitchen!! This time it was curled up under a drawer, or so I thought. From the angle that I was looking at it- it was about ready to leap out and bite my nose. As I walked around the kitchen getting a different view (making sure that sucker was dead!) I realized something... it wasn't a mouse at all but a piece of black wrapper. I could have sworn that thing was a vicious, human eating mouse! oops. 

I do that quite a bit in my life. I have a fear of something or someone has hurt me and I only see from that angle. So when it comes time to open up to someone I remember the hurt and back away. When I am given the opportunity to step out into a new adventure I recoil due to the last time I failed. This is no way to live! It's just a piece of black wrapper. We sometimes need a new perspective. 

Have you ever stood on a ladder or remember being lifted up on your dads shoulders? Wow, what a view. You see things from a completely different angle. I need to let God lift me higher to look at life through His eyes, His perspective. His ways are higher than mine, His thoughts are deeper than mine. I honestly can not rely on my own view sometimes because it is clouded by failure, fear, hurt, even past success. 

Let's walk through today- checking out all the angles before we let something stand in our way. 

motivation behind madness

What motivates you? 

I had a job opportunity come my way this week with lots of potential behind it. I honestly was torn on what to do. I even made a pro's and con's list! 

The thing was; I knew it wasn't my passion, but so what? Maybe I need to take my life in a new direction... 

I knew it wasn't enough money but since when do I make a decision based on that?

I knew it was not very challenging and I was more than enough qualified.

I knew it would take my attention away from some harder challenges that I need to face. 

It really was a difficult decision to make. I called friends and got their advice. I asked my husband and he refused to give me an answer so that I couldn't blame him in the future (he is a smart man and knows me well). And of course... I prayed. Hard. I never want to miss all that God has for me. I heard different opinions from everyone and silence from God. I knew He was giving me the option. Either way, it was fine. It was my choice. 

I had to call the guy back and give him an answer. I went to my car to make the call so I could be alone. I honestly didn't know what I was going to say. I prayed again, more like shouted out loud. My phone rang and it was a student of mine. I answered and told her what I was about to do and that I had no decision yet. I also wallowed a little, feeling sorry for myself that I was 27 and felt like I had no direction. She didn't let me get away with it (AND that is how I have taught her!) and reminded me of who I am in Gods eyes and that is all that matters. Not just that but she simply said, "you need to figure out for yourself what the real reasons are for taking or not taking this job." 

What is my motivation? 

Am I considering the job because I feel like it will make me feel important and give me purpose? yes.

Am I considering the job out of fear that God really won't come through? yes. 

based on that motivation, I didn't take the job. 

I am still freaking out.