motivation behind madness

What motivates you? 

I had a job opportunity come my way this week with lots of potential behind it. I honestly was torn on what to do. I even made a pro's and con's list! 

The thing was; I knew it wasn't my passion, but so what? Maybe I need to take my life in a new direction... 

I knew it wasn't enough money but since when do I make a decision based on that?

I knew it was not very challenging and I was more than enough qualified.

I knew it would take my attention away from some harder challenges that I need to face. 

It really was a difficult decision to make. I called friends and got their advice. I asked my husband and he refused to give me an answer so that I couldn't blame him in the future (he is a smart man and knows me well). And of course... I prayed. Hard. I never want to miss all that God has for me. I heard different opinions from everyone and silence from God. I knew He was giving me the option. Either way, it was fine. It was my choice. 

I had to call the guy back and give him an answer. I went to my car to make the call so I could be alone. I honestly didn't know what I was going to say. I prayed again, more like shouted out loud. My phone rang and it was a student of mine. I answered and told her what I was about to do and that I had no decision yet. I also wallowed a little, feeling sorry for myself that I was 27 and felt like I had no direction. She didn't let me get away with it (AND that is how I have taught her!) and reminded me of who I am in Gods eyes and that is all that matters. Not just that but she simply said, "you need to figure out for yourself what the real reasons are for taking or not taking this job." 

What is my motivation? 

Am I considering the job because I feel like it will make me feel important and give me purpose? yes.

Am I considering the job out of fear that God really won't come through? yes. 

based on that motivation, I didn't take the job. 

I am still freaking out.