I don't want to go to church

We have all been there. If you haven’t it’s a matter of time before you feel like “taking a break” from church life. It can be overwhelming at times, seems like you don’t have the time, you have been hurt by it or maybe are just burnt out. I have been in this place many times in my Christian walk. I grew up in a Pastors home and church life was normal life. Up early on Sunday morning and got home late. When I was finally “free” and away at college I vowed I would take a break from church and certainly not get involved but just be a spectator. I went to the biggest church I could find (over 3,000) and sat in the balcony for weeks being a spectator, getting “fed”. Well that lasted only a month before I found myself volunteering for the nursery! I guess it was just in my blood to be a part of something, sitting and watching was not enough for me.

Through my church years I have been burnt out and over worked, unsatisfied with leadership and even abused by those in power. And many times I have said that famous line, “I don’t want to go to church”. I understand the need for people to take a step back at times to get refreshed or renewed for a season but to walk away from a community of people should never be an option. Isolation kills. When we step away from the church community we are stepping into a slippery slope that sets in motion a pattern that is not healthy.

When you find yourself wanting to take a step away ask yourself a few questions:

Is this an unhealthy environment? If you find that the preacher is speaking heresy or hate, leadership is living in deliberate sin or maybe the church is going in a direction that does not line up with the Bible then maybe its time to pray about a move. However if you just don’t like the worship style or your not getting “inspired” by the preaching well I would take a moment to examine your own heart.

Have I taken offense? More times than not when someone leaves a church its not because they have been called on by God but that they have been offended in some way and their heart became so hard that moving on was the only option in their mind. Do you find yourself taking offense to the sermon? Do you walk away from service with a bad attitude and critical spirit? Is there a certain person at church who you avoid? Maybe you were not chosen to be on the worship or leadership team and instead of submitting under the authority you let that hurt fester and grow and now can’t stand to be at church.

Here is my 80, 20 rule. 80% of church life could be so great- the children’s program is awesome, sense of community is meeting needs and caring for the poor is a high priority. However 20% of the church is lacking. The administration is unseen or the pastor never calls you back. But who cares cause its only 20%! But when we take offense of say, the pastor not calling us back, that 20% grows so big in our eyes that it becomes the 80% in our eyes. People leave churches over 20%, people leave marriages over 20%... If you have taken offense- deal with it NOW- don’t let your hurt turn into bitterness, which will inevitably cause you to walk away from a great 80%.

Am I burnt out? Burn out can easily happen in the church. Most of the time church life looks like a football game- there are a few key players out on the field playing the whole game while everyone else is sitting in the stands watching. You are burnt out when what once gave you joy and energy is now a burden or drag to do. Have you been on the nursery schedule more times this year than have actually been in church? You may be burnt out. Boundaries are the key! It’s okay to say, “No”. Honestly look at your work, family and life schedule and just be honest with how much you can commit. Also, if you are constantly putting yourself into a position you could be robbing another person of stepping in.

Do I have unreal expectations? Are you wanting the church to be more involved with Urban Ministries or have a senior citizen outreach and they just cant seem to get that together? Well maybe your expectations of what this church will look like does not match the mandate the church has. Talk to leadership about what your expectations are. Do you want a pastor to call you weekly and meet with you on a regular basis? When you communicate what your expectations are the leadership can tell you if or how they can or cannot meet those needs. Maybe once you know where the church is at you won’t continually be disappointed.

Am I part of the problem or solution? If you walk into church and notice that no one has greeted you or that the bulletins are ugly or perhaps notice the singers are all off key- instead of sitting and being critical you most likely have the gifts to be part of the solution! By you just sitting back and not doing anything, you are part of the problem. Nothing is going to change if you are supposed to bring that change!

What is God saying? No matter how you “feel” you must get the word of the Lord. What is God saying to you? Get alone with Him and let Him speak to you- then run it by a mentor or someone you trust and see what the Lord tells them. But don’t you dare move until you hear from Him (And not hearing anything is not necessarily an answer).

This is a question I have been wrestling with over the years and these are the questions God has brought to my mind. There are definite times were God might be calling you on to another body but not at the sake of you being isolated or leaving bitter. We need to be real honest with where we are at and allow His voice to guide us when we simply don’t feel like going to church.

The Jonah Project

Last night, I had to do something that was not easy.

I had to follow God.

I would love to say that every time God asks something of you its just peachy and easy and of no sacrifice. However the truth is sometimes it just sucks and is hard and confusing and takes.....faith. But no matter how difficult it is I choose to say YES to Him. Too many times I have ignored His voice and did my own thing and have always regretted it. Everything He asks of us is for a reason and a plan. Maybe its to help us grow and mature in our faith or maybe its just simply out of obedience to Him.

God told Jonah to go and tell the people of Ninevah to repent and turn back to God. Jonah was scared for his life and refused to go. You know the story...he got on a boat going the opposite direction....a big storm....sailers asking whats up...they figure out that Jonah is running from God and decided to save themselves and throw him over board.... he gets swallowed by a giant fish, 3 days later is spit out and Jonah finally gets to Ninevah and does what God asked him to do in the first place.

I refuse to be Jonah. I choose to go the first time. I choose to listen and obey even when I don't understand or think I know better. Fear and unbelief go together- If Im living in fear Im not believing that God is in control and has my best in mind.

His ways are higher than ours. His thoughts are not our thoughts. I choose to live in love and obedience.

Whats your Jonah Project?

The One

Many times in life we measure significance with quantity. When we get a raise and make X amount of money-then Ill be successful. Once I finally make it on a hit TV show, have 2.5 kids, own a home, write a book…the list goes on. I call these “stage moments”- moments on the stage of life that everyone gets to witness and applaud. However these moments are fleeting and rarely keep us satisfied.

Jesus had plenty of “stage moments”- speaking to thousands on a hillside, riding through town on a donkey with everyone singing His praise, and how about being the life of the party by turning water into wine! Jesus was constantly elevated to that stage but his main focus was always on the ‘one’.

Nicodimus, the woman at the well, each disciple, the woman with the issue of blood, that one lost sheep…the list goes on and on about the one person that Jesus would focus on and care for. People constantly demanded his time but He exampled the importance of loving and caring for one persons need. He would stop everything to care for and love the one.

This got me thinking, do I care as much for the ‘one’ in my life or am I only valuing the stage moments of life? When we think that the stage moments are the most important we use people to get there. We subconsciously ask ourselves, “What can this person do for me?” instead of “What can I do for this person?”

When we value the one:
-We ask them questions about their life and listen-talk less and listen more
-We don’t value people on what they do or by how much money they make
-We meet their need (whether it be a prayer or a meal)
-We look for opportunities to meet strangers (on an airplane, at work, a waitress)
-We are nice; even when they are not
-We have relationship with them even when we get nothing in return

These are a few things off the top of my head. How about you? Are you loving the one or using people to get on that stage?

I have never been disappointed when I have poured out my love and time on the one. It is not always easy but well worth it. A value in my life that I will choose to live by is this: I will value the 'One'; giving of my time and heart to the hurting ones around me.

Seasons of Life

How can you tell the seasons are changing? 

The weather begins to change in the most soft and subtle ways. From winter to spring the little birds begin to sing a new song, new buds appear on bare branches and the sun beings to thaw out cold bones. From Spring to Summer that sun rises early and stays late, ocean water is refreshing and the smell of bbq and tanning lotion covers the air. From Summer to Fall leaves begin to change to the most gorgeous colors, pumpkins and turkey are on every table and the air is crisp and clean. Fall to Winter the sun sleeps in and goes to bed early, frost covers the ground with a blanket of chill and hot drinks warm cold souls. 

The earthly seasons are so easily seen. Thousands of years of this cycle and we can tell the changes are coming just by the name of the month. In my personal life it is not always so easy. We go through seasons of life; some are more noticeable and others creep up on you. Having a baby, changing a job, getting married- these are all very obvious seasons. The season I have been in this last year and a half has been one of the hardest struggles I have faced. It was a time of laying down my desires and dreams in pursuit of something I have never seen. It was a season of questioning everything I was taught in my childhood and working through disappointments, hurt, anger, bitterness...the list goes on. Probably the scariest part was looking at myself- the real self- and seeing just how wicked my heart can be. 

It has been a season of immense grace. Father God is so gentle; every time he would cut deep I was washed in waves of love. Every time a new layer of my heart was revealed, I was also shown hope. When my tears seemed to be my food I was filled with joy and laughter. He sustained me, like He always has and always will- no matter what the season is. 

By no means am I done. But I feel the sun getting brighter, the flowers are starting to bloom and new smells are filling the air. I believe a new season is on its way. 

Plan B

I ran my 10k yesterday. I finished at 57 minutes, which was a record for me considering I had not even ran the full 6.2 miles. I had a plan all in place. I was going to use my nikeplus chip (for those of you who don't know- its a chip you put in your shoes and then a chip goes in your ipod to track how fast you are running, how many calories burned, etc.) to make sure I was running at a normal pace so that I didn't poop out. I had an amazing playlist on my ipod that would motivate me and I was ready to go!

We arrive at the starting line and..... I forgot my nikeplus chip for my ipod!! I was so disappointed- my plan was ruined. I had set up my whole run based on this chip and it telling me how fast I was going each step of the way. Matt heard me complaining for a few minutes (ok, more like 10 min.) and finally suggested I use his chip. I was secretly hoping he would ask and of course I tried to act like that wasn't the point. I finally agreed to use his chip because dang it, it was part of the plan! 

The race starts and Im cruisin! My plan was in effect, I was tracking along. Matt was a little behind me and around the one mile mark passed me up. Not a moment later my ipod tells me that my run in paused. WHAT? It wont track my run any longer. I cant figure it out... Im running and trying to play with this stupid chip... people are passing me on the left and right...Im slowing down....my plan is unraveling... WHAT IS GOING ON?? At that moment it was as if the heavens opened up and revelation hit me- the chip hooked into my ipod is tracking the chip in Matt's shoe! This whole time its been tracking him, not me and now Matt is too far away to track. I couldn't stop, I had to keep going and my plan had to change. So it did. 

The funny thing was- Plan B was so much better. I listened to my music, not concerned by how fast or slow I was going and just focused on MY run. If I started to get winded I slowed a bit, when I felt some energy I sped up. For the most part I just kept a steady pace and even took the time to pray and enjoy God's beauty. 

I know it sounds silly but I had this amazing run with God. I literally was brought to tears a few times with the revelation He was giving me. I have said it before and Ill say it again, a run is like life. And in life our plans don't always happen the way we wanted them to. And in life we have got to live (or run our race) the way we were designed to. I was running with a stupid chip that wasn't even measuring me! My life is so much like that. Im living my life based on what others expectations of me are. I run to others standards. I want a life like so and so or I want to have the gifts/talents like mr. or mrs. . 

God has given me a "chip" that fits my life and he gives me the grace to see it done. I'm running to His standard and His glory. No other. When we can get that down it changes everything! It changes the way we run and live and see ourselves. We live for an audience of one. The gifts He has given us become strengths and pushes us along to finish! Once we grab a hold of the vision HE has for our life it brings everything into perspective. It gives our pain a purpose. So when plan B or C or even D take effect we trust Him and keep running- to please Him. 

Dreaming Out Loud

What's the dream in your heart? 

Do you want to see Abortion ended? 

Help people get off drugs? 

Maybe write a book? 

Care for the widows and orphans? 

Help discover a cure for cancer? 

Impact Hollywood with your talent?

Everyone has a dream. You may not know it yet or are just discovering the dream. Maybe you know what it is but have lost it due to circumstances or past failure. 

If you were living to see that dream fulfilled, how would that change your family? Your community? your world? 

If everyday you woke up ready to step closer to that dream- how would that day look? 

What's the dream in your heart?

Don't Stop!

Im training for a 10k and went on a run with Matt the other day. I tend to avoid runs with Matt because 1. He runs longer and harder than me and 2. I hate losing! 

So I decided I needed to be challenged and that I was going to keep up and finish. It was a little over 3 miles with lots of hills. Of course right off the bat he is ahead of me (he has longer legs- okay!) I am trying to set a steady pace and don't want to poop out too early. At one point I pushed ahead and was about 10 steps in front of him until... we reached a hill. One thing I knew for sure- I wasn't stopping but that hill killed me! 

By the time I reached the top I was done. I wanted to stop. I had nothing to prove. My feet hurt. I was going to vomit. 

And Matt was ready for more. He asked, "Do you want to take a short cut to end early?" hum.... NO! I told myself I would finish and I was going to. We had one last hill and it was worse than the first. I was determined to get up it and not stop running. I just kept telling myself, "Just don't stop running, don't stop moving forward, keep going". 

And thats what I did- I made it home and I didn't stop. I didn't take a short cut. I was behind Matt but I finished! 

This gave a new meaning to Hebrews 12:1-3

"Therefore , since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. "

Life is so much like a run. We can start off good with the best goals in mind but we soon hit hills that leave us winded and wanting to stop or take a short cut. We must keep moving! Don't stop. Keep pressing on toward that goal. As we fix our eyes on Jesus who in that very moment is perfecting our faith, He is working in us not only to finish the race but finish well. Every hill or opposition is in our favor. Training us to run longer and harder this life that is mapped out for us. Lets not take the short cut or we miss out on the adventure of the run.